If your Valentine isn't necessarily aware that you exist, sending a totally-not-at-all-creepy random text or sliding into their DMs may seem like a good way to connect with them — but the ancient Egyptians provide other ideas. Papyri from various periods in Egypt, particularly when it was under Greek control, indicate that people who couldn't get their lovers attention would seek to impress them with various spells. And some of 'em could get a bit gruesome.
One, from the Leyden Papyrus dating from around 250 AD, requires you to burn the hair of your lover in a lamp, as well as a handful of wax or clay sacred animals (scarabs, goats, and hawks); you would recite a spell in front of the lamp and the figures, to lure the lover to you "full of love and craving." Easy enough.
If that doesn't work, you can progress to the Papyri Graecae Magicae from the 2nd century BC onwards, which takes a slightly more serious perspective on the whole idea. It advises that you remove a bat's eyes, mold a dog out of wax, put the bat's eyes into it, stick the eyes with a needle, put the dog in a cup, and bury it at a crossroads with a strip of papyrus on it spelling out that your loved one should "lie awake for you for all eternity." Three-course meals and oysters suddenly seem a little tame by comparison. (Also, I shouldn't have to say this, but I will: please, DO NOT REMOVE A LIVE BAT'S EYES. No on Valentine's Day, no on other days, not even on a dare from your Valentine, who happens to adore ancient Egyptian love spells.)
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